Apologies to Those Affected by My Alter Ego on the Internet
Today, I want to come clean about what I’ve done over the past eight years. This post is meant to bring clarity and, I hope, provide some closure to those who may have been hurt. To those affected by the negativity, envy, and criticism created by my online persona, I sincerely hope you can let go and move on.
Growing up, I faced many challenges—mediocre academic performance, poor communication skills (almost bordering on a speech disorder), and over-controlling parents. These factors contributed to my low self-esteem and introverted nature, driving me to retreat into fantasies and the internet. I wasn’t good at much, except for programming. Life felt dull, and there was little I looked forward to. As graduation approached, I was still jobless, while my peers flaunted their offers from prestigious multinational companies, with pay that reflected their exceptional grades. Being surrounded by the smart people wasn’t easy. It felt like constant blows to my fragile ego, if I even had one at that time.
Fortunately, I had befriended HM during my school years, and just before graduating, during a casual conversation, she invited me to join her in applying for a 1-month IT course. With no job prospects and nothing to lose, I joined her. That decision changed my life. HM also introduced me to something called "The Secret." It made sense—this was what fueled her success, I thought.
The IT course opened the door to a world I hadn’t previously imagined: ERP consulting. I became a certified consultant and believed this would set me on the path to a high-flying career. But reality had other plans. After three years in the field, I was still drawing a modest RM2.4k monthly salary. My enthusiasm for "The Secret" had waned. I couldn’t fully grasp it back then, and comments from colleagues fed my skepticism. "If that stuff really worked," one said, "there wouldn’t be any beggars, and my parents would’ve hit the lottery jackpot by now." My focus was consumed by work, spending almost 20 hours a day immersed in work - solving issues in the system.
At the end of those three years, something reminded me of HM’s words. I revisited "The Secret," watching the video over and over again, even purchasing the book. I tried the techniques to "attract" what I wanted, but I kept facing disappointment. Then, one day, something clicked. A lightbulb moment. A woman in the video said, "Pretend as if you already possess it, and you shall have it." The idea of "faking it until you make it" felt like a revelation.
But how does one pretend? It was hard to convince myself I was wealthy when I was always broke. Still, I was determined to test this newfound insight. I found the perfect platform for it—anonymous chat forums. I created various nicknames, trying to manifest the life I wanted. At first, people dismissed my claims as fake. But over time, I built a profile and reputation, engaging in discussions, arguments, and even posting provocative remarks. Once I gained traction, I began injecting stories of wealth—talking about a five-figure salary, luxury items, and even owning a BMW.
Nothing happened at first. I felt guilty and came close to quitting multiple times, especially when acquaintances began to suspect it was me. Still, I pressed on. Then, one evening, something unexpected happened—I received instructions to pack for a work assignment in Scandinavia. It was my first trip to Europe, and it came with a 200% salary increase. Suddenly, everything I had posted in the forum started manifesting, one by one. From traveling overseas to earning a five-figure salary, actually buying a BMW, and sending my parents on trips abroad—everything unfolded just as I had "prophesied." By the age of 25, I had achieved more than I ever thought possible.
But it wasn’t enough. I got greedy. I returned to the forums, boasting more and more. Astonishingly, the more I posted, the more things materialized—my salary kept doubling, and my lifestyle continued to improve. I even posted about dating an air stewardess, only to later discovered that my girlfriend at the time had reached the final interview stage with SIA. Life was unfolding in ways I couldn’t explain.
I also met people on the forum who shared deeper knowledge—what I call "The Secret 2.0." This opened my mind even further, and I became hungrier for wisdom, shifting away from materialism toward spiritual growth. As I began to understand the mechanics of manifestation, it all made sense. The energy—whether from love, jealousy, or even hatred—played a part in manifesting my goals. My posts on the forums had generated emotions in others, and I believe that energy, in turn, fueled my growth.
updated:
I’ve since reached a point of spiritual awakening. I left my high-paying job and senior management role at a Fortune 500 company to focus on family, mentor young people in finding their purpose, and contribute more to the community. Surprisingly, I’ve found myself doing things I never imagined I would five years ago. Money is no longer my driving force; my new journey is focused on something greater—spiritually and mentally.
What I achieved in the past decade now feels like a sweet dream, exactly as I had envisioned. It’s amazing how the universe works. Yet, while I’ve gained much, I also feel compassion for those who may have been affected negatively by my actions. Whether through hatred, jealousy, or admiration, their energy contributed to my journey. While I don’t know if there’s a zero-sum balance at play, I hope those affected can release any lingering negativity and move forward.
I hope this post opens your mind, and to those affected, I encourage you to let go and move on.
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